Incompetent? That's EXACTLY what he wants you to think.

If his testimony in April was a train wreck, then his testimony today was the effin' Hindenburg.

But that's okay. Because in Mr. Gonzales' mind, his job as Attorney General is not to enforce the laws of the nation. His job is to serve the White House - and specifically President Bush - which is why he will say whatever it takes to keep from revealing White House involvement in the politicization of the Justice Department and the illegal domestic spy program. No matter how silly, forgetful, stupid or incompetent his answers make him seem, as long as it deflects the white-hot light of a Congressional investigation from the White House and back to him, he'll say it. He's cool with it.

The result? Classic Abbott and Costello "Who's on First" shit. Under oath. In the halls of Congress.

Starts in video at 3:30 remaining.

GONZALES: I clarified my statement two days later with the reporter.

SCHUMER: What did you say to the reporter?

GONZALES: I did not speak directly to the reporter.

SCHUMER: Oh, wait a second -- you did not.

(LAUGHTER)

OK. What did your spokesperson say to the reporter?

GONZALES: I don't know. But I told the spokesperson to go back and clarify my statement...

SCHUMER: Well, wait a minute, sir. Sir, with all due respect -- and if I could have some order here, Mr. Chairman -- in all due respect, you're just saying, "Well, it was clarified with the reporter," and you don't even know what he said. You don't even know what the clarification is. Sir, how can you say that you should stay on as attorney general when we go through exercise like this, where you're bobbing and weaving and ducking to avoid admitting that you deceived the committee? And now you don't even know. I'll give you another chance: You're hanging your hat on the fact that you clarified the statement two days later. You're now telling us that is was a spokesperson who did it. What did that spokesperson say? Tell me now, how do you clarify this?

GONZALES: I don't know, but I'll find out and get back to you.

GONZALES: I Don't Know.

SCHUMER: Third base!

The most telling phrase in that transcript is "LAUGHTER." In all-caps, no less! His testimony is so ridiculous it evokes laughter. Like the great convicted perjurer and obstructer of justice Scooter Libby before him. If it was a Saturday Night Live skit I'd think it was too over-the-top to be funny.

Even the White House wants you to think Gonzales is incompetent. Remember the leaks by those oh-so-concerned White House insiders after the April testimony? Remember all of the concerned GOP representatives predicting Gonzales would have to resign?

Bunch of liars. They want you to think Gonzales is the issue, not the White House. Liars.

Don't fall for it. He is not incompetent - he knows exactly what he's doing.

Indeed, in serving as a firewall to the White House, he is absolutely competent.

UPDATE JULY 25: Well, what have we here? If all goes well I spoke too soon and Mr. Ridiculous has perjured himself. Like Scooter Libby before him.

Don't get your hopes up. If you parse his responses, he's linguistically having his cake and eating it too - something I noticed back in April that became more obvious on Tuesday.

It's like this: if one specific - even illegal - aspect or operation of the domestic spy program was never officially authorized by the Department of Justice as part of what eventually came to be known as the so-called Terrorist Surveillance Program, then technically he's right.

Remember: the White House didn't use that term publicly until January 2006.

So to paraphrase one headline I saw late yesterday, it depends on what your definition of "program" is. Is it the illegal bullshit that was going on before Ashcroft and Comey stood their ground in the hospital room, or the revised version of the illegal bullshit that went on after the hospital visit?

In his testimony he's been super careful to always refer to the program as the after-the-fact bullshit, but in a way that's vague enough to leave the impression that the before-the-fact and after-the-fact bullshit were one and the same. Dig:

"The dissent related to other intelligence activities," Gonzales testified at Tuesday's hearing. "The dissent was not about the terrorist surveillance program."

"Not the TSP?" responded Sen. Charles E. Schumer, D-N.Y. "Come on. If you say it's about other, that implies not. Now say it or not."

"It was not," Gonzales answered. "It was about other intelligence activities."

When he once again returns to the Senate to "clarify" his previous testimony, he's going to argue to the teeth that he's always been referring the "program" as whatever was finally authorized after that hospital visit.

It's absolutely misleading and I wouldn't let my four-year-old get away with that kind of an answer. But I think that's his loophole. And you could drive a Hummer through it.

Not an armored HumVee, of course. You drive through a loophole with the Hummer you have, not the Hummer you wish you had.

Labels: in the news